4 July

Well, here we go again. I departed with the Advon at 1AM on the 3^rd. It’s hard to know where to even start with this journal. The last time I started at the beginning of our deployment preparation but this time I was too lazy. Just a few days ago I was telling Wendi that I really should keep a daily journal if only to record our activities. We have done so many things over the years that we have really enjoyed but I am already forgetting them. Of course I have only read my old journals a couple of times and I’m not sure if focusing on the past more takes away from the present or just gives one a fuller understanding of themselves. Anyway, I am going to try again to keep a balance between insight and record keeping (too much of the former is exhausting and too much of the latter is boring). Saying goodbye to Wendi this time was even harder than the last. We had a great two weeks prior with the trip to Seward, backpacking in Denali, and hanging out with family but this time we know what it is going to be like. The hardest thing for me is the feeling that this is all a waste. This time away from Wendi I am never going to get back and for what? I really have to fight the panic that makes me want to quit and say it’s not worth it. There is nothing wrong with feeling loss and the pain of separation but it’s easy for that to feed on itself and become irrational. I don’t know how people do it without the hope we have in God.

We had a show time at Battalion 6 hours prior to our flight and on arrival I found out why – in addition to the usual Army over-planning we had to do a 100% urinalysis. It stems from the kid who got caught a month ago smoking pot tight before he got on the boat. After we finished all that our bus broke down right after we left the parking lot – not a good start to a 15 month deployment. The rest of the trip has been long but relatively uneventful. Our route was Fairbanks – Seattle – Detroit – Amsterdam – Kuwait. On the way to Amsterdam I sat next to a Spanish woman who has worked at a finance job for the last five years in the US. It’s always interesting to see the US through the eyes of foreigners. In Amsterdam I sat next to a girl whose father is Palestinian and mother American, grew up in Kuwait and going to school in Louisiana. This not being able to sleep on the plane really hurts but hopefully I will sleep well tonight. Our total time from on the plane in Fairbanks to off in Kuwait was 34 ½ hours.